Wow it has been a long time since my last entry. Unfortunately for me, my friends are all busy studying for the upcoming A's while I here have decided to take tomorrow off to rest and relax.
Frankly, what so good about a free day if there's no one to share it with? How I wish that there were more people who could afford tomorrow off. To be fair, my brother and I are visiting the museum tomorrow morning, and I'm definitely grateful for that, but he's busy too, in the afternoon.
Perhaps God is wooing me to spend time with Him, to cure this lonely heart by being alone with Him. Yet, how can I live as a lone person? I've been a lone person before, and my relationship with God grew, which was the right time and season, but now God has placed me in a place of influencing the lives of others, and I do not want to develop the fear of trusting people as I did in time past.
Speaking of the fear trusting people, I had three study meetups today–all of which got cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. Granted, it's not their fault, but when I book my time for a session, I block out time for others, that is, my request to study with another is my expression of trust in them, and time and again this trust seems to be breaking.
God corrects through circumstances, so I decided that I'm going to continue to trust people despite repeated 'failures'. I'm going to choose to avail myself for people even though I may not be reciprocated, since Jesus availed Himself for me while I was still trapped in the Law.
Yet, I feel lonely.
I'd like companionship, and everyone is busy.
Sometimes I question if this gift of excellence in academics is really a blessing or a curse.
