Only A Miracle

Recently I've been thinking about love again, and was contemplating on beginning one with a bang. Perhaps a spectacular invitation to be my girl. Yet, I realized that would be impossible.

Consider the way I do things and the way everyone else does. They differ. I share little to no common interest with anyone outside of studies, and even then I've graduated, essentially alienating me from everyone else.

Even in church when, beyond the shadow of any doubt I am close to my Life Group, I still find little common topic with them. For some strange, odd reason I enjoy intellectual discussions as opposed to topics closer to entertainment and the like.

In particular, I enjoy talking about Theology and all things pertaining the details in the Bible, such as Old Testament imagery and prophecy, the Hebrew language and even the Greek language, all of which could be found in Hope Seminary. Unfortunately, there are few to none who do enjoy such talks. Not their fault, but perhaps a difference in interests, which I find difficult to change or find new ones.

Thus, it is no surprise that even if I were to take interest in a girl, she would unlikely like the things I like and vice versa.

In conclusion, only a miracle from God will allow me to experience a lifelong marriage and union with a partner. Till then, #teamsingle

God is Proud of You

And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” [Matthew 3:17]

I've grown up in church hearing things like, "you are highly favored of the Lord," and that revelation that God's favor is on me regardless of what I've done and all because of what Jesus had done revolutionized my life since 14 years old.

At the end of November of last year, however, as I travelled, I saw a young mom expressing joy for her son as though he was her pride. The son just stood there being adored by his mom. 

It dawned upon me that the word 'highly favored' meant 'proud of', as in just as Jesus is the pride of God the Father, so am I in this world. 

God is proud of me, regardless of what I've done and all because of what Jesus had done and that I am God's child.

It's easy to think that God loves us, and even also to think that God favors us, but so very counter-intuitive, even immoral, to think that God is proud of us, since our actions clearly don't warrant such pride.

Yet, I want you to know this:

GOD IS ALREADY SO VERY PROUD OF YOU, FOR THE VERY FACT THAT YOU ARE HIS CHILD, REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!

He may not be pleased with your action all the time but He is most certainly pleased with YOU, because as JESUS is, so are you in this world! Your nature is found in Christ, and God is proud of you in Christ, not based on what you do, and thus you cannot ever be "un-prided" by the Father by what you do either!

God is so very proud of you, O highly favored in the Beloved!

Confusion, Confusion

There are many things I've learnt at church: how to love God and love neighbor. Yet I do feel a compromise on who I am.

I can't express myself freely lest younger believers stumble or the program can't go on, which though valid do chip away this aspect of me in church.

The firm structure in cell forbids me from expressing contrasting views, in hopes that younger believers can learn more effectively.

Church teaches us to be influences, but how can I be an influence without a say?

I know it's not about me, yet one can't help but think—am I losing my mind in trying harder and harder to love?

Why does it feel like I'm trying to please fellow brethren with intentions to bless them but deep down I'm crumbling inside, unable to express without being slammed with words of correction and do's and don'ts?

What exactly is stopping LGs from awe-inspiring unity? Why is there a sense of judgment and condemnation when he Bible clearly declares it gone?

Perhaps, in an attempt to ensure the welfare of others I've compromised on my own—which in turn creates socially unacceptable yet apparent realization that I'm harming more than I'm helping.

Perhaps in an attempt to bless others I've instead become reliant on them and nothing but an attention-seeking nuisance.

Perhaps, my trust is in my effort and not God.

Today, I write this to choose Christ. No more self-improvement. No more striving for the love of others. It's time to rest. Rest. Rest.

Bless when I'm with people, be blessed when I'm not. A life in Christ...alone but not lonely and a blessing when with people.

Yes, my habits will change, but I'll let God change me from the inside out, lest the harder I try the worse my habits.

I receive Your supply amid the many demands that come my way.

I receive.

To the advice "Trust God" I can only reply, "Who else?"