I can't express myself freely lest younger believers stumble or the program can't go on, which though valid do chip away this aspect of me in church.
The firm structure in cell forbids me from expressing contrasting views, in hopes that younger believers can learn more effectively.
Church teaches us to be influences, but how can I be an influence without a say?
I know it's not about me, yet one can't help but think—am I losing my mind in trying harder and harder to love?
Why does it feel like I'm trying to please fellow brethren with intentions to bless them but deep down I'm crumbling inside, unable to express without being slammed with words of correction and do's and don'ts?
What exactly is stopping LGs from awe-inspiring unity? Why is there a sense of judgment and condemnation when he Bible clearly declares it gone?
Perhaps, in an attempt to ensure the welfare of others I've compromised on my own—which in turn creates socially unacceptable yet apparent realization that I'm harming more than I'm helping.
Perhaps in an attempt to bless others I've instead become reliant on them and nothing but an attention-seeking nuisance.
Perhaps, my trust is in my effort and not God.
Today, I write this to choose Christ. No more self-improvement. No more striving for the love of others. It's time to rest. Rest. Rest.
Bless when I'm with people, be blessed when I'm not. A life in Christ...alone but not lonely and a blessing when with people.
Yes, my habits will change, but I'll let God change me from the inside out, lest the harder I try the worse my habits.
I receive Your supply amid the many demands that come my way.
I receive.
To the advice "Trust God" I can only reply, "Who else?"
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